Seeking Solace
by AnaEvelyn
Summary: After coming home from being on the lam in DC, Jordan is finding it difficult to adjust.  Then someone comes back into her life, throwing her for another loop.  Who returns, and why is this person so important in Jordan’s search for normalcy?
1. Heavy Burdens

**I decided to take a stab at writing again. I had posted this earlier, but took it down. I have other stories, but I didn't want to leave this one unfinished. It's NOT Jordan/Woody (throw things if you must), but hopefully enjoyable anyway. I'll get to Jordan/Woody stories afterwards, I promise. So, here are the 3 chapters I had written (with some minor changes), and a new chapter.**

**Summary: After coming home from being on the lam in DC, Jordan is finding it difficult to adjust. Then someone comes back into her life, throwing her for another loop. Who returns, and why is this person so important in Jordan's search for normalcy?**

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Chapter One: Heavy Burdens

Sighing heavily, Jordan sank down into the soft cushions of her couch. It had been a hard night. Two double shifts in as many days, and Jordan was wiped out. She tried to muster enough energy to move to her bed, but the couch was too comfortable. As she pulled the afghan over her body, Jordan thought that tonight she might just be tired enough to sleep without the dreams.

They were more like nightmares, really. The five months Jordan spent on the run haunted her. She would dream about everything from finding Pollack dead that awful morning, to the final moment when the Judge confessed.

Washington DC had been nothing short of terrifying. Though Jordan would never admit that to another living soul, she spent most of her nights there too afraid to sleep. Fear that the police or a hit man would find her, that she'd never be able to clear her name…or find Pollack's killer shook her to her bones. She hadn't been able to shake the feeling after returning to Boston.

Her friends had been great when she came back. They were supportive, but not pushy or overbearing. Jordan just wasn't the same, even a month afterwards. Her friends couldn't understand what she went through…much of the time, Jordan herself didn't understand. So while she tried to fit back in her old life, it just wasn't working. Jordan felt out of place, and out of sink with the rest of the world.

Jordan missed JD… she ached for him. Lily had said it was delayed grief, or something like that. Jordan's mind had been so preoccupied that it didn't process his death until after she came home. The fact that she couldn't sort out her feelings for the man didn't help. She knew that she cared deeply for JD…but she didn't love him. Or maybe she did. Jordan had called him hoping to start over in the relationship—to see if she could love him. Now that he had been murdered, she was second guessing herself…maybe she loved him, or maybe she just wanted to love him because she thought she owed it to him.

She dreamed about him. And the stupid, idiotic things she did to get justice for him. She remembered the long weeks digging for evidence while struggling to keep hidden. What she didn't remember was confronting the Judge face to face….

She remembered deciding, in a moment of pure desperation, to put a tape recorder in her purse and see if she could get a confession out of him. After that, the details were fuzzy. Jordan knew he had confessed because she had heard the tape later, back in Boston. She didn't remember much else because the Judge's right hand men had taken her to an ally and attempted to beat her to death.

Somehow, she survived and woke up a week later in the hospital. The police had found the tape, she had been cleared, and Garret was there to take her home.

At home, Jordan was relieved but shell shocked. She remembered little of the beating, but it shook her to the core. It had been hard for her to trust people in the past, but it was even more so now. She tried…but at the last second she'd always pull back into herself where she felt safer….

As the thoughts swirled around her, Jordan's head drooped lower and lower. The bed now seemed impossibly far away. Succumbing to her tiredness, Jordan's eyes shut and she fell into a deep, though not entirely peaceful, slumber.


	2. Trust Issues

Chapter Two: Trust Issues

He sat in his car watching the windows freeze over. He had been watching her apartment for over an hour now. Even though all the lights were off and he knew she must be asleep, he couldn't convince himself to drive away.

During those long, hard months he had longed just to see her…to touch her. Even now that everything was back to "normal," he couldn't gather the nerve to talk to her. He didn't know how she'd react….

He had tried to call her several times, but he could never hit the "send" button. In the back of his mind and heart, he knew that this couldn't be done in a phone call. She deserved more than that—much more than that. He needed to be a man and do this in person.

But the courage wasn't in him tonight. He finally started the car and drove off, hoping that next time he would be able to do face her.

* * *

Jordan yawned as she stepped off the elevator and into the morgue. Her sleep habits hadn't improved any, and that combined with working way too much overtime was taking its toll on her.

As she walked down the hallway to her office, Jordan heard a familiar voice call her name.

"Jordan! Hey, wait up!" Woody half-ran the distance between him and her. Inwardly, Jordan groaned. Woody was the one person with whom she wanted absolutely no contact. He was the only one she had actively avoided. There was so much water under the bridge between them, and she didn't have the energy to sort it out again.

Woody reached her just as she opened her office door. "Hey," he said. "You got a minute?"

"Uh…sure," Jordan said reluctantly. "What there something on a case…?"

"No…no," he answered. "I just wanted to talk. We haven't had a chance to really be together since you got…back."

"Yeah, I know," she acknowledged. "But I'm kind of busy…how about some other time?"

Unfortunately, Woody didn't take the hint. "You're always busy. We need to talk now." His voice had taken on a more authoritative tone. "We need to figure out where we stand with each other…where we want to go."

Jordan sighed. He was pushing…she hadn't been back for two months and he was pushing her for a commitment. Did he think that she just went on an extended vacation? Did he think that she could just hop back into her old life like nothing had happened? Did he even care that something had?

"Woody, there's nothing to talk about," she began. "I don't want to take any steps toward any relationships right now. I'm not done sorting out everything yet."

"Come on, Jordan. What's there to sort out?" Woody asked. "He's dead, and he isn't coming back. You need to move on."

Her eyes stung at his words, but Jordan kept her emotions at bay. "I know that," she said softly. "And I'm trying to move on…but I'm not ready yet." She took a breath; she might as well be completely honest. "And…I'll never be ready with you."

Woody was taken aback slightly. "Jordan, what do you mean? I'm not with Lu anymore…I thought…."

"Just because you're available doesn't mean I want to jump back into your arms." Jordan kept her voice even. The last thing she wanted to do was fight.

"But we…the Inn…," Woody struggled to put his thoughts together.

"That was before you were with Lu," she reminded him. "Just because you broke up…it's not enough, Woody."

"Why not?"

"Because, I gave you everything," she began. "That night, I didn't just give you my body…I gave you my mind and heart, too. I'd never done that with anyone before…I thought you loved me. Afterwards, I even gave up a man who also loved me and who was willing to overlook the way I'd hurt him."

Jordan paused then, her mind consumed in the memories. It all seemed so long ago…

"And then you went to Lu. You took everything that I gave you, and you threw it back in my face." Jordan finished her explanation and turned away.

Woody came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She pulled away from him. "Jordan, I'm so sorry," he said. "I never should have done that…I should have given you more of a chance. I promise that will never happen again. I'll be here to stay this time, Jordan."

She faced him then. "That's just it, Woody," she said. "How can I know that? How can I know that you won't walk right on out the next time you meet another pretty blond girl? I won't do it again, Woody. I can't take that risk. I don't trust you."

When she said that, Woody's eyes dropped. "I'm sorry," he said one more time.

"I know," she replied. "But it doesn't change anything….Now, could you leave? Just…please leave."

He looked at her one last time, but her eyes said she was done talking. His shoulders sagged, defeated, and he walked back down the hallway.

When he was out of sight, Jordan sighed in relief. It was finally over. She didn't feel sadness, or loss…she had too many other overwhelming emotions to deal with right now. She was just glad that she could put Woody behind her.


	3. Shock

Chapter Three: Shock

It was quiet. After a busier-than-normal day, it was finally quiet. Almost everyone had gone home…but Jordan was still in her office. Here, the silence brought her comfort. She could think and be consumed by work without anyone to bug her. At home the quiet would close in around her, making her feel suffocated.

Trying to shed the hectic stress of her day, Jordan leaned her elbows on her desk and put her hands over her eyes. Just a few minutes of rest would refresh her…then she could start all the reports she had to do.

A knock on the door signaled that relaxing wasn't in the cards for her right then. "Come in," she said without looking up.

"Hey, Cavanaugh," a strangely familiar voice got her attention. She wasn't supposed to be hearing that voice…

Jordan looked up and jumped out of her chair when she saw JD let himself all the way into her office.

Backing away from him, she stammered. "Who are you? Why—what…you're dead! What's going on?" Jordan thought she had finally gone crazy.

"It's okay. It's okay," JD started, putting his hands up. "I'm not dead…you're not seeing things, I promise."

"Then what—?"

He sighed. "I've been in witness protection."

Jordan stared at him for a few beats. "But that's impossible. I saw you…your body…you were dead…there was an autopsy…there was…."

"It was all fake. I'm not sure how they did it, but the Feds stepped in without anyone else knowing it," he replied. "Now everything is over. I've been 'back' for about a month. I had to see you, to make sure you were all right."

During his short speech, Jordan's brain snapped back into place. The meaning of all of this became clear. Her head jerked up and she glared at him with angry eyes. "To make sure I was all right?" she snapped. "What makes you think that after all this I'd be ALL RIGHT!"

JD was confused. "Jordan, what are you talk—?"

"Where do you get off being alive all this time? How could you? Now everything is worthless. It doesn't mean ANYTHING!"

"I don't understand. What are you talking about?" JD asked again and reached out his hand, trying to calm her.

"No!" Jordan growled.

"Jordan!"

"No!" she repeated and pushed passed him. "Leave me alone! Don't ever come back here!"

"Wait! Jordan, please!" JD called out. But it was no use; Jordan was already around the corner. He thought for a moment, wanting to go after her. He decided that he needed to find out just what had happened after he "died" first…then he could try to talk with her.

Resolutely, JD walked down the hallway toward the only other person there who might care to acknowledge his existence.

* * *

The harsh knock on the door and subsequent entry quickly brought Garret out of his late afternoon stupor.

"What the?!" he yelled when he saw JD's face.

JD simply held up a tired hand and said, "Yeah, it's me. I'm not dead."

Garret paused for a moment and then said seriously, "You'd better start explaining."

"Witness protection."

Garret nodded. "Okay…but that doesn't clear up everything."

JD continued, filling Garret in with what he knew. "Now…I'd like to know what happened around here while I was gone," he finished somberly. After a beat he added, "I saw Jordan; she wouldn't talk to me."

Garret was surprised. "Don't you know? Didn't the FBI guys tell you anything?"

"Not a thing," JD replied shaking his head. "They said if I knew anything, I'd be too tempted to try to get in touch with all of you."

Garret huffed. "Well, that was some stellar logic on their part."

JD stared into space for a minute. "It was bad, wasn't it?" he said finally.

"Yeah, it was," Garret answered. JD's eyes pleaded with him to explain, and Garret obliged.

When he was done, anger was clearly etched on JD's face. "She went through all of that, and the FBI did _nothing_?"

"I never saw or heard them around here the whole time…not a thing." Garret said, equally angry.

"Well, but you all must have known she was innocent…what about Hoyt? Where was he in all of this?"

"Don't get me started on him," Garret said, his anger level rising. "Of course we knew she was innocent, but there was no evidence…just like the Feds wanted."

"They probably didn't plan on Jordan being arrested, but that doesn't excuse them from not stepping in when she was!"

"No, it doesn't."

Both men sat silently in their frustration. Finally, JD got up. "Well, thanks…I think I'm going to go take a walk…try and work this out in my head," he said softly. "Then maybe I'll go see if Jordan will talk to me."

"Yeah," said Garret. "Just be patient…she hasn't been the same since."

JD nodded and shook Garret's hand before heading out the door.


	4. Walking

Chapter Four: Walking

Right, left, right, left. JD felt that he would make a really good soldier by the time he was finished walking. He had no idea how far he had walked, and his feet were killing him. But his whole body hurt when he was stopped…the tension propelled him to keep moving. Standing still was torture.

As JD walked, he ran everything he had just learned through his mind. None of it made any sense…why would the FBI let an innocent person take the fall for a murder? Especially a murder that didn't even actually _happen_? He thought of as many scenarios he could, trying to find something logical. Nothing came—the whole situation was so screwed up, and Jordan had taken on all the burdens alone.

His feet pounded the pavement harder as JD was filled with renewed anger. He felt for Jordan…nothing should have happened to her. The Feds told him that no one would suffer. He was such a loaner anyway, there weren't many people to even deal with. They would fake his death, and he would just float away. At the time JD had thought them callous, but he never doubted that they would be able to neatly handle the situation. He couldn't have been more wrong.

He wanted to get the judge, the bodyguard, and the agents and give them exactly what they gave Jordan. It was no wonder she hadn't wanted to talk to him. And he knew that Jordan already had trouble with relationships—he could only imagine what the ordeal had done to her psyche now.

JD finally stopped walking and looked up. He had ended by the ocean. The waves were rolling gently and were set against a twilit sky. He knew the Jordan loved the ocean. So did he…because it reminded him of her. The ocean was unpredictable and beautiful, just like her. He knew that there was so much more to her, just beneath the surface. JD had wanted to be the one to discover all of that. Now, he didn't know if she would ever open up to anyone.

Sighing, JD turned away from the sea. He at least needed to tell Jordan that he wasn't involved—that he didn't know what had happened. He felt as if he at least owed her that much. Jordan would have to decide if she wanted to see him again. Resolutely, JD started in the direction of her apartment.

* * *

Halfway there, JD had made a slight detour back to the morgue to get his car. He figured he had a better chance of getting Jordan to at least hear him if he showed up sometime before midnight. Now he was standing just outside her door, his hand poised to knock.

He could hear Jordan moving around inside. Gathering all the courage he had, JD knocked softly on the door. Instantly all of the noise inside stopped. He waited for Jordan to come to the door, but she didn't. He rapped once more, but still nothing.

"Hey, Cavanaugh. I know you're in there," he said cajolingly.

When she still didn't open up, JD continued. "Okay…you don't want to see me. I get it, Jordan. I just wanted to let you know that…that I never knew about what you did. I didn't know that you were framed, or that the judge hurt you. The Feds never told me a thing. Garret just told me after you left. Jordan, I'm so sorry…I know that you're struggling…I'd like to help, even if you just want to talk."

There was still no response from Jordan.

"Jordan…what you did…it wasn't worthless. Not to me," JD said softly. Then he slid a piece of paper with his phone number under the door. "If you ever want to talk, I'll be there."

He waited a few more minutes, and then slowly turned and walked down the hallway.

* * *

Inside, Jordan remained still. She had heard his footsteps as he retreated down the hall. Sighing, she stared at the small paper lying on her floor. At the very least, JD hadn't known about her ordeal while it was going on. She had worried that she meant so little to him

that he didn't care—that he had known about it and done nothing. It was a small relief, but she clung to every tiny bit of hope she could find.

Slowly, she got up from her couch and picked up the paper. She felt so strange…she had wanted JD to 'come back from the dead' so very badly. Now that he really was alive, she couldn't bring herself to even talk to him. Her walls had gone up so high and so thick, no one could penetrate them.

She _didn't_ want to talk to him. Not now. Thinking that she should just throw the number away, Jordan moved toward the trash can. When she got there, however, she couldn't do it. Jordan slammed her fist on the counter in frustration.

"What is wrong with me?" She yelled. Still unable to throw the paper away and give up completely, Jordan angrily stuffed it in her purse.

She got herself a beer, flopped down on her couch, and turned on the TV. There was no way she was going to sleep tonight, and she needed something to take her mind off things.


	5. Not Alone

Chapter Five: Not Alone

One week went by. Two weeks. Three.

Jordan purposefully ignored the tiny slip of paper in her purse. Sometimes, when she reached for her keys or cell phone, her fingers would brush against it. She pretended it wasn't there. After all, no one else knew about it. No big deal, right?

Right. That stupid paper might as well have been a giant neon sign. No matter what she told herself, Jordan couldn't stop thinking about JD's number tucked inside her purse.

To make matters worse, Jordan's friends had decided to up their efforts at socializing her again. Nigel and Bug dragged her to the Beef and Brew more times than Jordan could count, and Lily always wanted to go shopping. Garret…Garret let the others handle the "after hours" activities, but during work he was right by her side. Jordan knew that their hearts were in the right place, and she loved them for it. She just didn't want to be around anyone right now.

It was hard to be alone, but it was harder to be with people and have to act like she was happy. Jordan just didn't have the energy.

She would love for them to come to her place, but she wasn't ready for that either. She knew that she wouldn't be able to talk to them about her feelings, and her "everything-is-fine" mask would go right back up.

Now it was five o'clock—time to go home. This time, as Jordan took her keys out of her purse, JD's number fell out. Jordan leaned over and picked it up. Looking at it, she wondered briefly what JD had been doing with himself. He hadn't been around here, and he never had that many friends before. Maybe he was as lonely as she was…

Jordan took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Where had _that_ thought come from? No way did she want to face him.

But if he was lonely…it wasn't a feeling she'd wish on anybody. He had been on his own for months, just like her. Jordan picked up the phone and dialed his number. If it didn't work out, she'd never have to see him again anyway.

"_Hello."_

"Hi…JD. It's Jordan," she said quietly.

"_Hey."_ His voice softened immediately. _"How are you doing?"_

"Umm…okay." She paused. "Hey, JD…would you like to come over tonight? I mean…if you don't have anything planned…"

"_No, I'd like that,"_ he replied. _"Are you sure?"_

Jordan swallowed. "Yeah, I'm sure."

* * *

There was a knock at the door not long after Jordan got home. She unlatched it and came straight face to face with JD. She opened the door further and gestured for him to come inside.

Jordan smiled shyly and they stood in an awkward silence for a minute.

"You okay?" JD asked.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine," Jordan said, cursing herself for not saying something more creative.

"Okay." He paused and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Jordan shook her head. "No…not yet." She smiled again, slightly embarrassed. "I just…I was tired of being alone…but I didn't want to have to be with a big group. Anyway, I thought…I thought that maybe you'd…understand that." When she finished, she looked away from him briefly.

JD stepped a bit closer to her. "Yeah, Cavanaugh…I do get that." He shifted to catch her eye and smile at her.

"Okay…so maybe we could just order a pizza and watch a movie?"

"Sounds great."

* * *

Once the food had arrived and the movie had been selected, Jordan and JD camped out on the couch. They didn't talk much, to Jordan's relief…but it was nice to be with someone who understood her feelings without wanting to analyze them.

Halfway through the film, Jordan leaned into JD's side almost unconsciously. Surprised, he waited to see if she would pull back. Instead, Jordan settled in further and rested her head on his shoulder. JD wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

When the movie was over, Jordan didn't try to move away from JD. He switched off the TV and looked down at her—she was fast asleep.

He chuckled to himself and brushed her hair away from her face. He doubted that Jordan had been getting that much sleep—he knew that he hadn't.

Carefully, he gathered her up in his arms and carried her to the bed. JD pulled off her shoes and tucked her in.

He thought about leaving, but he didn't want her to freak out if she woke up in the middle of the night.

Instead, he stroked her hair once more, found a blanket, and took up residence on her couch. Before long, he was sound asleep just like Jordan.


	6. Better

**Disclaimer: Because I forgot to put it in chapter 1...no, I don't own Crossing Jordan. He Who Must Not Be Named does, unfortunately.**

Chapter Six: Better

Sunlight gently smoothed over Jordan's face. She stretched leisurely and thought about opening her eyes. It wasn't until her brain registered the coffee aroma that she actually did.

Slightly confused, Jordan sat up in bed. Peering around her glass door that was partially open, she could just make out JD's figure at the counter. Jordan's brow wrinkled. She didn't remember much about last night…only feeling more relaxed than she had felt in months. She guessed that she had fallen asleep during the movie. She hadn't woken up at all last night—that was definitely a first since she came back to Boston.

Jordan got up and slowly walked into her living room. JD saw her and smiled; Jordan returned it shyly.

"You slept well," he observed.

Jordan nodded. "You didn't have to stay, you know," she said.

He walked up to her and caught her eye. "It's no problem. I didn't want you to wake up in the middle of the night and worry." He smiled. "Besides, now we can go out to breakfast together."

"But you made me coffee…again," Jordan said.

"Well, I was planning on making the whole breakfast, but there's nothing in your fridge," he replied.

Jordan shrugged. "I guess I haven't really had much of an appetite lately."

"Feel like changing that?" JD asked. "Afterwards, I'll drop you off at the morgue before I go to work."

She smiled. "Sounds good. Are you back at _The Chronicle_?"

"Yeah. Just small stuff, though. My editor doesn't want me getting…tied up…with anything so soon."

Jordan nodded. "Just let me get a shower, and I'll be ready. Okay?"

"Sure."

* * *

Later that day, Jordan sat at her desk and mused over the morning's events. She felt better than she had felt in such a long time. It amazed her what a full night of sleep and a good meal could do. Of course, she knew that it wasn't just those things that made her feel good. And those wouldn't have happened if JD hadn't been there. If he hadn't just let her be her, with no expectations.

After breakfast, JD dropped her off as promised. Jordan made sure that he had her number, but they didn't make any other plans. Jordan was afraid to jump into anything…she promised him that she wasn't dismissing him, but that she just needed to keep things level. Incredibly, JD had accepted that.

It was that understanding that made it hard for Jordan not to just pick the phone back up and call him. She didn't, though. She just let the moment be. JD would wait for her…at least a day or two.

A knock at her door brought Jordan out of her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Jordan," Garret said as he came in the door.

"Hey…you got a case for me?" she asked.

"No. I just wanted to see how you were doing." It was clear that this kind of conversation was not in Garret's comfort zone. He loved Jordan, but dealing with her on such an emotional level was difficult. He didn't do well with himself that way…he didn't have the first clue of how to reach Jordan.

"I'm fine, Garret," she replied. He gave her a look. "_Really_, I am. I'm good…well, I'm better…maybe not great, but better," she finally admitted.

"Okay…anything I can do?"

Jordan looked down at her hands. "No…I mean…I know that you all are worried about me. I just can't…I can't pretend that I'm okay, and it's not fair to you all or to me to even try. What I'm trying to say is…I don't want you to leave me alone, but…I just need you all to let me…," Jordan trailed off and threw up her hands dejectedly.

Garret moved closer to her. "Jordan?"

She sighed. "I don't even know how to describe it. Just…just don't have any expectations, okay?" she said softly.

He put his hands on her shoulders lightly. "Okay, Jordan. I'll do my best not too." He paused a bit, letting the silence settle. "Have you talked to Pollack yet?"

Jordan smiled, and relaxed a bit. "Yeah…he came over last night. It was good. We didn't really talk. We were just together…I think he understands me."

Garret squeezed her shoulders and spun her around towards him. "I think that's probably true. I'm glad he's here," he said. His eyes told Jordan that he meant it.

Then Garret pulled her into a hug. "You'll be okay, Jordan. Things will start getting better now, I promise."


	7. Confrontation and Confession

Chapter Seven: Confrontation and Confession

"Hey, thanks for lunch," Jordan said brightly as JD held her office door open for her.

"Ah, any time, Cavanaugh," he replied. "Say…do you have plans tonight?"

Jordan snorted. "Yeah, my social calendar is just packed…what do you think?"

"Hmm…I'll take that as a no, then," he concluded. "What do you say I pick you up here at seven?"

"Sure…where are we going?"

JD winked. "It's a surprise."

She gave him a look. "You know I hate surprises."

Suddenly serious, JD looked into her eyes. "Just go with it, Jordan. No funny business, I promise."

She sighed. "Okay," she said softly. "I'll be ready."

"Great," he smiled. Then the playfulness returned. "Now, get back to work!"

Jordan laughed and waved as he turned to walk away. She watched him, thinking about how they had come to where they were.

They had hung out several times…just as friends. They hadn't discussed "The Issue" either, but at least Jordan felt secure enough to have a conversation with him again. She had also found herself falling asleep in his arms more times than she could count. She guessed that she felt comfortable enough with JD to let her mind relax, and have her body take over and give her the rest she needed.

Her relationships with her morgue family had improved, too. They had become more accepting of what she could give, and Jordan was slowly learning to trust again. All in all, having JD back in her life was a good thing.

Jordan stepped back from her inner thoughts and sat at her desk. JD was right—she _did _have work to get done. One thing that hadn't changed was her loathing for paperwork, so when someone entered her office just a few moments afterward, Jordan didn't mind at all.

Until she realized who it was.

"Woody?" she said, surprised. "Do you need something…for a case?" Her voice trailed off. Jordan wasn't working on any cases with Woody, and his face said that this wasn't a professional visit anyway.

"Why are you hanging out with him?" he demanded without preamble.

"Why am I hanging out with who?" she asked, though she already knew who he was talking about.

He gave a huff and stared at her, annoyed. "Pollack, Jordan. He's no good for you! You told me that you weren't ready for a relationship yet, and the next thing I know you're jumping into bed with _him_," Woody spat the last word out. "Why, Jordan? Why? You should be with—"

"Okay, back up," Jordan interrupted, holding her hand up. "First, I'm not jumping into bed with JD. Second, I don't owe you an explanation. I told you the truth, about the things that concern you. The rest is none of your business."

"Oh, come on, Jordan," Woody said, angry now. "That's bull and you know it."

"Woody, enough," she said, closing her eyes briefly. "You obviously have no professional reason for being here, and that's the only kind of 'relationship' we will ever have…..Leave. Now."

Jordan moved around her desk and held the door open for him. With one last angry look at her, Woody stomped off down the hall.

Jordan just rolled her eyes and returned to her work.

* * *

Seven o'clock on the dot, JD knocked on Jordan's door.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Yes, let's go," Jordan replied as she pulled her purse over her arm. "So…where are we going?"

"Sorry, Cavanaugh, you're not going to win," JD said, chuckling.

"Okay, fine. But at least tell me that it involves food. I'm starving."

"Your in luck…I've got Chinese in the car."

Jordan looked at him quizzically. "We're going to spend the evening in your car?"

Another chuckle. "No, not exactly…just go with it, okay?"

"It appears I don't have any other choice."

They stopped at the elevators and JD pushed the button. "No," he said, smiling. "You don't."

* * *

By the time they got where they were going, the car was completely filled with the aroma of their take-out—JD had forbidden Jordan to touch any of that before they arrived.

"Okay, we're here," he called out jovially.

Jordan looked out the window. "Uh…the ocean? JD, how are we supposed to eat at the ocean?"

"Come on, haven't you ever heard of a picnic?"

"Yeah, sure. With tables and grass—not sand."

"Whatever. It'll be fun…unless you'd rather not eat?" JD eyed her while taking the food out of the car.

Jordan's eyes narrowed. "You're something else, you know that?"

All he did was smile and start walking toward the shore. Jordan hurried to catch up with him.

JD picked a spot, spread out a blanket, and they sat down. A soft wind blew so that small waves came rolling up on the sand. They ate silently, content to watch the waves and be in each other's company.

When he was finished, JD turned to Jordan seriously. "Jordan…about what happened…"

"JD," Jordan began warily. "I'm sorry…it's still too soon. I don't want to talk about it yet."

Gently he tucked a flyaway curl behind her ear. "I know…it's all right. I just want to tell you something. All you have to do is listen."

After a beat, Jordan nodded.

"When I first came back…from witness protection," he started. "You said that everything you did didn't matter." He put his finger under Jordan's chin and turned her face to him. "You need to know that isn't true."

JD sighed. "I knew that I was going into witness protection, I just didn't know when or how. If I didn't know, then I couldn't screw it up. I wanted to see you just one more time, and they let me. If I had known what was going to happen, I never would have gone."

Another pause. "I figured that…that everyone would just forget about me when I was gone. Let's face it, none of your friends really liked me….you were probably with Woody by then…and even if not, our relationship wasn't exactly smooth sailing."

Jordan shook her head and started to say something, but JD stopped her.

"It's okay…it was my fault, too," he said. "But about DC…you could have proved your innocence a million different ways without catching my 'killer.' You didn't need to go after the Judge, but you did anyway…and you were hurt. That was a huge sacrifice…and it means the world to me. To know that you still, in some way, cared about me…that you probably wouldn't have forgotten about me…Jordan, that's not worthless." He finished softly, and looked down at his lap.

To his surprise, Jordan reached over and took his hand. "I never would have forgotten you," she said just as softly. "You…taught me too much about myself…for the good." He looked at her then, and she gave him a small smile.

"Thank you," she whispered. JD knew she was talking about more than just her admission.

He slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulled her to him, and tenderly kissed her forehead. They sat peacefully together as the waves continued to roll.


	8. The Issue

**Announcement: For the sake of simplicity, Lily never was pregnant and Lu is still alive. **

Chapter Eight: The Issue

Jordan played with the phone cord as she waited for JD to pick up.

"_Hello."_

"Hi! It's me…Jordan."

"_Hey, what's up?"_

"Just wondered if you were busy. I thought that maybe you could come over and we could…talk."

JD understood exactly what Jordan was saying. _"I'll be there in 15 minutes."_

He hung up, and Jordan slowly put the receiver back on its hook. She had been mulling over JD's words ever since they went to the ocean. They had some other conversations about it afterwards as well, but JD always did most of the talking. Jordan had finally figured that if he could pluck up the courage to talk about his ordeal, then she could too.

* * *

When JD arrived, Jordan poured two glasses of red wine. She needed a bit of something to calm her nerves. They both sat down on her couch, and Jordan almost unconsciously shifted closer to JD. She put her head on his shoulder, and his arm wrapped around her, stroking her arm. Jordan closed her eyes…she could stay like this all night.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" JD asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Jordan opened her eyes and sat up a bit straighter. "Uh…well…you know," she said, looking up at him.

JD didn't say anything, just kept the connection with her eyes. Jordan broke the stare, blew out a breath, and ran a hand through her hair. "Come on, JD…it's still hard…I don't know where to start," she admitted.

He softly tucked her hair behind her ear. "Just start at the beginning," he said.

"…The beginning…is…is waking up next to what I thought was you—dead—and me holding a gun in my hand," Jordan started. At first, she made lots of pauses and awkward starts and stops. After a while, however, the words just came pouring out of her…like something in her had broke, allowing all her thoughts and feelings to come through. At that point, Jordan didn't think she could stop talking even if she wanted to.

"After I got back, I felt…I don't know," Jordan was nearing the end of her story. JD had been nothing short of wonderful—listening to her every word and not interrupting.

"I felt…just out of sync with everything. Nothing had changed a whole lot while I was gone…Bug and Lily are together, and Kate's here now…but everything else was just as I left it. But I just felt—I still feel…like I don't fit in anywhere…I want too—but it's like I'm stuck in a glass box. I can see out of it, and see how I want to be, but the minute I try, I hit the glass and can't get through," she sighed and looked up at JD, vulnerability etched on her features. "Does that make sense?"

He was quiet for a minute, thinking about what she said and stroking her hair softly. Finally he turned to her and asked, "This box…does it have a door?"

Jordan was thrown by the question. At first, she thought maybe JD was trying to joke, but his face said otherwise.

A few beats later, Jordan slowly nodded her head. "Yes," she said. "…You." She looked back at him, hoping that she hadn't scared him. She didn't have to worry, however; JD was smiling.

"Well," he said, cupping her cheek with his hand. "Will you let me help you open it?"

His face was only a fraction of an inch away from hers now, and Jordan was having a hard time thinking straight. Unable to form any actual words, she simply nodded.

The kiss was slow, gentle, and long. It wasn't like any of the other kisses they had shared before, when they were still mostly out for themselves. This one held promise—like the light at the end of a very long tunnel.

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were grinning. JD pulled Jordan to him and nudged her head back onto his shoulder. She snuggled closer to him, thinking once again that she would be perfectly happy to stay there all night.


	9. Blushing

Chapter Nine: Blushing

The next day, Jordan was still reeling from what had happened. She and JD had stayed on the couch for what seemed like forever. They had shared one more tender kiss, and then JD insisted on leaving. Jordan had been about to protest when JD said that he wanted to take it slow—to do things the right way this time.

Jordan had been floored. She'd heard the first set of words before, but never the second. It boggled her mind that someone would care about her that much—no one had ever wanted to take it slow for _her_ sake. There had been so much sincerity in JD's eyes that Jordan felt sure that she could trust him. The thought left her breathless and blushing…several times…in the most inappropriate places.

Like in the middle of an autopsy. That she was doing with Nigel.

"Hello? Um…Jordan?" he asked, pulling her out of her reverie. She looked up at him, bewildered. Seeing her scarlet cheeks, Nigel's lips curled into a mischievous smile.

"So, love…why so flustered? Something to do with your Aussie bud?" he asked suggestively.

If possible, Jordan's face turned an even deeper shad of red. She had been caught. Trying to take the attention away from herself, she threw out a quick comeback.

"By the way, how are you and Kate doing?"

It was Jordan's turn to smile and Nigel's turn to blush. "Love, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," he said.

"Whatever, Nige. There is so something going on with you two," she said. "Tell me…who wears the pants in your relationship?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I most certainly do!" he said, indignant. "That is—I would if there were a relationship," he added quickly.

Neither of the two responses was very convincing, especially because Kate came through the door just as they were out of Nigel's mouth.

"Hey, Nigel!" she shouted. "Could you please finish my trace analysis today instead of sometime next century?"

"I'll be right there," Nigel called back quickly and hurried out the door after her.

Jordan shook her head and laughed. Just like old times…

* * *

Jordan walked down the hallway on her way to the elevators. She was done with all of her autopsies, and her paperwork—amazingly—and it was time to go home. As she walked, she passed Nigel and Kate arguing about some inconsequential thing or another. Chuckling, Jordan stepped into Garret's office to say goodnight.

"Hey, Jordan," he said from his desk as she came in.

"Hey," she replied. "I'm heading out. I'll see you tomorrow, OK?"

"Yeah, sure. Have a good n—"

At that second, the sound of shouting voices carried through the doors. Jordan and Garret hurried toward the noise, followed closely by Kate and Nigel.

"You stay away from her!" A highly angered voice rang out.

"You can't tell me what to do! Or her!" This voice was distinctly Australian.

Jordan rushed into the reception area just in time to see Woody grab JD by the collar and slam him against the wall.

"Don't you talk to me like that! You stupid, reporter punk! You have NO BUSINESS messing with Jordan!" Woody yelled at the top of his lungs.

Jordan seized Woody's arm and spun him around to face her. She was livid.

"What do you think you're doing?! YOU have no right messing with HIM!" she roared.

Woody looked a little cowed, but not enough to back down. "Come on, Jordan!"

"No, you come on! I am NOT your girlfriend! I don't find grown men who act like two-year-olds very attractive. You need to leave me and JD alone. No matter what you think, I will NEVER be with you again. It is not JD's fault that I'm not with you. It's not MY fault. The only one you have to blame is you!"

The rest of the room, now filled with morgue employees, was dead silent.

"Now, you had better get this through that thick skull of yours," Jordan went on. "The NEXT time you try this with me or JD, I will go straight to your captain. Unless you want your record stained, Detective, you'd better leave us _alone_!"

With that Jordan grabbed JD and stepped into the elevator, leaving everyone else behind.

Angrily, Jordan stabbed the "Down" button and pounded the side of the car with her fist. JD, seeming to come out of shock, approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her.

"Shh," he said. "Let it go, Jordan. Let him go." He gave her a tight squeeze and then relaxed, still holding on to her.

"He makes me so mad! Why can't he just leave me alone?" Jordan growled.

"I don't know, Jordan. I don't understand why he's acting this way…why he keeps doing this to you. But, I think this will be the last time."

"Why?"

"Because I know you…you'll make good on what you said about going to his captain…and Woody prizes his career above anything else," he replied. Jordan sagged in his arms a bit, his statement hitting close to home. "It's not your fault," he soothed. "It's his fault."

The elevator dinged, but Jordan didn't move. JD stepped over and hit the "Stop" button, knowing that they needed to clear this up first.

"Do you really think he'll stop?" Jordan asked. "I mean…what if he doesn't believe me?"

"Oh, he'll stop all right," JD said, a hint of a smile on his face. "We left him there all alone with your morgue crew."

Jordan looked at him, and then she smiled, too.

"And if that doesn't work," JD went on. "I have no reservations to knocking him out cold."

This time, Jordan laughed. "You know…I should _really_ thank Woody for being such a jerk."

JD gave her a puzzled look.

Jordan stepped up and hugged him. "If he hadn't, I would never have found you," she whispered in his ear.

Now, JD was the one who was blushing.


	10. Peace at Last

**Just in case, because I don't think I posted it anywhere else: I don't own Crossing Jordan.**

Chapter Ten: Peace at Last

Jordan sighed happily and snuggled further into JD's chest. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his arms around her and the sound of the ocean waves crashing onto the shore.

Focusing on the waves, Jordan smiled. The ocean was their favorite place to go during their past few months of dating, but as it was now winter, they couldn't go to an actual beach. They had to settle for a show on the Discovery Channel that JD had found.

"You know," Jordan said softly, turning her eyes to JD. "This is kind of pathetic."

JD chuckled. He put down his slice of homemade pizza and took a sip of wine before replying. "Maybe we should try something more extraverted tomorrow night."

"Yeah…maybe we should," Jordan said back. "Maybe we could get everyone to go out to dinner with us." She paused a bit, and then added, "Unless you'd rather be alone."

JD smiled. "No, I think that's a good idea. We have plenty of time to be by ourselves later."

"Okay, that's settled then. Nigel will be thrilled."

"Yeah…speaking of Nigel, why does he find it so necessary to poke his nose in everyone else's business?" JD asked jokingly.

"He used to do counterintelligence with the Royal Navy, so he knows how to get everyone to talk," Jordan explained. "Although…I don't know whether or not that caused his love for gossip, or simply facilitated it."

They both laughed softly and then lapsed into silence again. The sound of the television waves were about to lull Jordan to sleep before JD spoke again.

"Jordan, can I ask you a question?"

"Mmmm…you just did," she answered, pulling herself out of unconsciousness. JD sat up a bit straighter and gently moved Jordan so that they were facing each other. Jordan could tell that this was moving into a more serious direction.

"Jordan," he began again. "I know that it's only been a few months…and I probably should be more romantic about it anyway…at least, I could wait a few months and do this on a real beach…"

At this point, Jordan gave up trying to keep a straight face. It was hilarious seeing JD so insecure and babbling…usually he was so confident.

"JD, you're rambling," Jordan laughed. Quickly, she became serious again. "What did you want to ask me?" She asked quietly.

JD took a deep breath and moved onto one knee. He pulled out a tiny ring box and asked, "Jordan…will you marry me?"

She gasped. The ring was spectacular—elegant, but subtle. "Are you sure?" she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

"Of course I'm sure, Jordan. I love you," he said, suddenly concerned. "Why would you ask that?"

"It's just that…I come with a lot of…baggage." Jordan's head was down; JD had to tilt her head up to get her to look back at him.

"I know that," he said gently. "It doesn't scare me…you don't scare me. I love you."

Two tears escaped from Jordan's eyes. As JD whipped them away with his thumbs, Jordan said, "I love you, too."

She held her hand out, and JD tenderly slid the ring onto her finger.

LINE

The next morning, Jordan woke up panicky and excited at the same time. She couldn't believe that someone loved her enough to actually _marry_ her. With all her problems with men, Jordan didn't think she was worth it anymore.

And her commitment-shy side was kicking in, too. The thought of being with someone for the rest of her life scared her—what if he ended being just like all the others?

There was a knock at her door, interrupting Jordan's worries. She opened it to reveal JD, complete with coffee and muffins. His smile instantly melted all her doubts away. JD wouldn't leave her…he knew everything and was still there. She had nothing to fear.

After they ate, JD drove her to work. He glanced down at her, and noticed that there was no ring on her left hand.

"Jordan…," he began tentatively, worry etched in his voice. "You, uh…you haven't changed your mind, have you?"

Jordan looked at him confusedly for a second, and then comprehension dawned. Quickly, she pulled out a necklace that was hiding under her shirt. "It's right here," she said, showing him that the ring was attached. "I just don't want everyone to know right away."

JD's face fell, and Jordan went on hurriedly to explain.

"Not for long! I just want us to be the ones to tell everyone…not me by myself, you and me together…and if I wear it to work today, Nigel will see it…and then neither of us will get to tell the others," she finished. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to upset you."

His face relaxed, JD took Jordan's hand and kissed it. "It's okay…you had me scared for a minute. But I agree—Nigel can't keep his mouth shut. Why don't we tell everyone tonight?"

Jordan's face broke into a smile. "That sounds perfect."

LINE

Surprisingly, the work day passed quickly. Soon, Jordan was back in JD's car and slipping the ring back on her finger. All of their friends were meeting at the new Italian restaurant on the pier.

JD parked, and they walked into the restaurant hand in hand. Everyone else had beaten them there and was already seated.

JD squeezed Jordan's hand as they took their seats. Casually, Jordan placed her left hand on the table as she said hello to the others.

"Jordan?" Lily asked, catching the gesture. "What's that on your hand?"

"Oh, this?" Jordan asked, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's my engagement ring. JD and I are getting married!"

For a split second, there was complete silence at the table. Then everyone erupted in cheers. They toasted and offered congratulations all at the same time until a loud squeal interrupted them.

All eyes focused on Nigel, whose face was beet red, and Kate, who was touching her lips and looking shocked.

"What do you think you're doing?!" she shouted at him.

Nigel had the good grace to look abashed. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Heat of the moment, you know."

"I am going to cut out your liver and feed it to Binky!" Kate went on, though she couldn't quite keep the smile out of her voice.

Nigel said nothing, but continued to glare at her.

Kate stared right back. Finally she said, "You know we're going to end up killing each other, right?"

Instantly, Nigel's good mood returned. "Well, at least we won't be bored."

Everyone else at the table laughed, and more cheers ensued.

Quietly, Garret leaned over to Jordan and spoke into her ear. "Congratulations, Jordan. I'm happy for you."

She turned to look at him. Suddenly, she realized that she wanted Garret's blessing. "Are you sure?" she asked. "You think that JD's okay?"

Garret nodded. "None of us gave him a chance the first time around. After everything that's happened, everyone's true colors came out. Looks like we backed the wrong horse before…now, we've got our heads on straight." He stopped to take a breath. "You've got yourself a winner, Jordan. It will all work out."

Jordan started tearing up again, but held it in as she whispered her thanks.

Garret kissed her on her temple. Then he beamed and said, "You and JD should check out the dance floor."

Jordan glanced over at the un-crowded floor, and then over at JD. Silently, he nodded.

Hand in hand, the two left the table and began to dance. Jordan smiled as JD spun her slowly around. Garret was right; everything would work out—and would work out beautifully at that.


End file.
